...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Randomize
