I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
