Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
