Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
