I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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