Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
