he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
