Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.