Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
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You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Did I show you my penis last night?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
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Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16