I want to stick my p in your. b.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement