i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
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Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
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The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen