I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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