end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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