I look better un-naked...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
