I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
