im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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