You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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