i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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