he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Randomize
