Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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