Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Mom said you looked used
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
