I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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