I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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