Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
