she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
