i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
