i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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