so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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