if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
