I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
