We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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