24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
