That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
