Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
no, he came in my armpit
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
