OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
