Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
