dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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