We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
