Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
