last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
