So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
