i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
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