Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
