You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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