I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
