Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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