You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
