Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
