What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
