Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
