Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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