Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
