Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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