Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
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Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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