I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I believe in your delicious
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.