Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
