return my video game
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
