Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
And then my night got REAL pukey
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Drake has all the answers