i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
