I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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