Texts From Last Night

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  (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.

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  (+31): I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew. http://tfl.nu/u42t
  Replies (14) Good night (3026) Bad night (1196)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  No. Take one for the team.

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  (314): He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed? (1-314): No. Take one for the team. http://tfl.nu/7euo
  Replies (19) Good night (1249) Bad night (4071)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options

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  (416): the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options http://tfl.nu/sle9
  Replies (4) Good night (3589) Bad night (585)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.

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  (404): Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while. http://tfl.nu/n1x9
  Replies (24) Good night (5461) Bad night (1477)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  And to think..we used to do everything sober...

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  (724): And to think..we used to do everything sober... http://tfl.nu/tbey
  Replies (7) Good night (4868) Bad night (976)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.

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  (512): dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander. http://tfl.nu/scp8
  Replies (29) Good night (4695) Bad night (1356)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.

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  (+44): Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk. http://tfl.nu/h6fl
  Replies (13) Good night (3263) Bad night (1022)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all

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  (250): After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all http://tfl.nu/42sy
  Replies (23) Good night (1183) Bad night (3060)
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  (714): View more from California

  It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.

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  (714): It's a self-perpetuating puke chain. http://tfl.nu/kvdz
  Replies (2) Good night (605) Bad night (1433)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.

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  (816): It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain. http://tfl.nu/o28o
  Replies (1) Good night (1357) Bad night (586)
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  (510): View more from California

  This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.

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  (510): This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland. http://tfl.nu/6qxu
  Replies (7) Good night (861) Bad night (1230)
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  (619): View more from California

  Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands

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  (619): Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands http://tfl.nu/hu3j
  Replies (11) Good night (461) Bad night (1065)
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  (428): View more from

  Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.

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  (428): Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale. http://tfl.nu/liut
  Replies (2) Good night (579) Bad night (328)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.

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  (403): I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together. http://tfl.nu/4qd6
  Replies (4) Good night (587) Bad night (617)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?

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  (601): When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema? http://tfl.nu/3tz6
  Replies (1) Good night (551) Bad night (222)

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