I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
