marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
