I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
