We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
