I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
