My friends, they love my intelligence
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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