Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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