I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
