i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
