perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
