kristin has been a bad kristin
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
