i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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