Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
