he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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