i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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