Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
