I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
