Me too!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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