dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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