Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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