Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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