isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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