non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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