Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
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