i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
