hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
