fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
