There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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