Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
