Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
