I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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