When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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