i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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